“Shhh! Don't be so noisy!”

If you’re weight-challenged and have a voice that is volume-enhanced and have what can only be described as “a wide stance”, then there are only one of two choices:

1-You’re a relative of mine who recently attended my cousin Marvin’s wedding…

or

2-New Jersey Transit will be targeting your ilk for rudeness on trains. Starting very soon, there will be posters all over New Jersey attempting to remind people to be nicer on trains.

According to the AP story, one poster shows a woman whose mouth is wide open, appearing to be screaming, under the words "How many seats do you need?"

Another poster shows a man plugging his ears with his fingers under the words "I can't take the noise!"

"The posters are a social safety valve," said Doug Bown, president of the New Jersey Association of Railroad Passengers told the Asbury Park Press. "Instead of having to initiate your case, you can point to the poster."

And, I am sure such an approach will work as well on New Jersey trains as it would with my family at cousin Marvin’s catered affair.

Yes, I am very sure that if my Aunt Lilly is yelling across the room to her sister Bella to ask how her son Melvin is back in New York, a quick point to a “Shhh! Don't be so noisy!” poster will shut her right up.

More likely, it will initiate a response of “Who the hell died, and made you the boss?”

As the Talmud says somewhere, “Do unto others…”.

The rest is just commentary.

“Phone calling. It’s not just for Governors anymore.”

Maybe the governor is trying to set a good example for us all by giving up email and only using his cell phone. Maybe it's the wave of the future.

I think people rely way too much on email. It's tough in email to communicate complex ideas. Negotiate multifaceted deals. Have emotional blow-ups. Be sarcastic. You can't tell someone's 'tone' in an email. No matter how well you bold, capitilize, or ITALICIZE words. The problem, of course, is it's tough to do anything other than share the most basic information with emails. Short quick thoughts and ideas that people can read and say “Yay” or “Nay” to.

We taught my 81-year-old mother how to use email. She would email me and then immediately call me on my cell phone asking, “So, did you get my email?”

She'd email my Aunt Lilly, and then call her to see if she received the email. “Let me get off the phone and look,” Aunt Lilly would answer.

So, my Aunt Lilly would get off her phone, unplug her phone, hook up the computer modem to the phone line, go online with her very slow dial-up modem, go to AOL, get her email, and then see my mother’s email listed. Then she would just as dutifully, unhook the modem, re-connect the phone, and call my mother back.

“Hello, Pearl, this is Lilly, your sister,” she would say.

They have been sisters for 81 years, and they still identify each other by name and title when they call. The conversation would continue:

“So, did you get my email?”
“Yes, I did.”
“So, do you want to go?”
“Go where?”
“To play Mah Jong with Gertie? It’s in the email. Did you read the email?"
"Oh, I didn’t read the email. You just asked me if I got the email. I got the email."
“But you didn’t read the email?”
“No, I didn’t. What time did you want to go and play Mah Jong with Gertie?”
“ I don’t have time for this. That’s why I put it in the email. Go back and read the email."

So, Lilly goes back to read the email. She gets off the phone, unplugs the phone, hooks up the computer modem to the phone line, goes online with her very slow dial-up modem….

And it goes on and on like this. By the way, my mother and Aunt Lilly live just four doors down from each other.

Gotta love Florida. It’s like living in a Seinfeld episode.

Maybe Governor Corzine has the right idea:
“Phone calling. It’s not just for Governors anymore.”