Pearls of Wisdom

My mother, Pearl, always gave great advice in life. “Always wait a half hour after eating at the beach before you go swimming.”

“Finish your food. Children are starving in Europe [or alternatively, China, when I noticed that children were fat in France].”

And she warned me to clean up after myself when visiting someone’s house. And she gives good advice to this day.

Obviously, however, this is not something Bill or Hillary Clinton followed. It seems they both left their crumpled up pre-speech “To Do” lists on the Podium at the Convention. Fortunately, because of my wide spread connections in the world of politics, I knew the staffers who cleaned up, and they forwarded to me the actual notes themselves, warts and all.

And now I share them with you:

Actual speech “To Do” List found on the Podium at the Democratic Convention after the speech made by President Bill Clinton Wednesday night, in Bill’s handwriting, apparently....

Bill Clinton ---Notes to myself:

1. Remember to refer to Denver as the Mile High City, not the “Mile High Club”.

2. Keep eye contact with Hillary or Chelsea or both ONLY, NOT the hot looking blonde delegate from Hawaii in the third row. OK to say ‘hi’ to her by tugging on your ear during the speech.

3. Keep speech on topic; find out what the topic is.

4. Make sure you mention that Hillary got 18 million votes at least three times. Avoid mentioning “Michigan” or “Florida”.

5. Use the “…a place called Hope” line. They still love that crap.

6. Oh yeah, and it’s “Barack Obama” ---you’re endorsing---try to work that name in somewhere in the speech.

7. Don’t mention that you were actually the first Black president.

8. After the speech, return Eliot Spitzer’s call, and get that phone number from him of his ‘friend’.


Notes from Hillary.

Also, this is an actual “To Do” List found on the Podium at the Democratic Convention after the speech made by Senator Hillary Clinton Tuesday night, last week.

1. Wear dark pants suit, the one that makes you look thinner. When waving, don’t turn your back to the audience.

2. Don’t laugh. No matter what---just smile.

3. Don’t cry. Again, no matter what---just smile.

4. Work in a pitch for contributions, we have a huge campaign debt to cover.

5. When you tell people to vote for “Barack Obama” [BAH-ROCK OH-BA-MA], and not John McCain, try to look sincere. Look straight in to the camera, and smile. Practice this in front of mirror!!! Keep teeth gritting to a minimum.

6. Update resume for job search.

7. Bring signed copies of “It Takes a Village” for back of room sales, after speech. Remember that Obama wants his cut of all sales.

So, there you. You probably are as surprised as I am at their carelessness. But, maybe, just maybe, they wanted these “To Do” notes to be found.....hmm.

My Democratic Friend in Florida

As I speak to lifelong Democrats, I am seeing an interesting pattern emerge, over the course of time. Those who were formerly strong Hillary Clinton supporters, sometimes showed through with their true colors.

Back in June, they seemed to be going through the stages of grief, the first one being “denial” as in, “This cannot be happening to us! Arrgh!” The first comment –the ‘This cannot be happening to us!’ was actually said by a lifelong Democratic friend in Florida. I threw in the ‘Arrgh!’ for emotional effect.

After the DNC meeting where the issue of Florida/Michigan was resolved, her response was the second stage of grief—‘anger’: “Why Hillary? She’s a victim. It’s not fair! Wahhh!”. Again, I threw in the ‘Wahh!” for emotional effect.

The next stage---‘bargaining’, was somewhat combined with ‘depression’, the fourth stage. This was evidence by the realization that Senator Obama was actually now the presumptive candidate, and that the best they could hope for was a Hillary VP spot. “I will consider supporting ‘Bama [at this point, she still was somewhat in stage two ‘anger’, and continued to call Senator Obama, ‘Bama’], but only if my Hillary is chosen for Vice President.” Notice the ‘my Hillary’ comment. Strong ownership there.

This was combined with the fact that although Hillary is most likely on the short list for VP, the fact that there is ‘a list’ that she shares with others, is very ‘depressing’ for my Florida friend. And I did not even need any other comment for emotional effect.

The final stage is ‘acceptance’, as evidenced by my Florida friend’s comment of, "It is what it is. I guess I will vote for Obama [see the change from ‘Bama’], but as long as he supports Israel.”

The 'Florida friend' is my mother, Pearl, and she was pleased to see Senator Obama visit Israel this week. So, she is now over her Hillary grief, and will be a good Democrat again.

Go figure.

This is 2G2BT.

OMFG! Maybe the next ‘George Carlin’ will help us figure out the "Seven Text Messages that Cannot Appear on License Plates."

Seems like the letters ‘WTF’ may be one of them.

For those of you, like me, who are still using full words from the Webster’s dictionary to text with, the above title says, “To Good to Be True”. And the letters WTF mean "What the F%#k!", but only to regular text-ters. To my 82-year-old mother in Florida, it might mean "We Treasure Florida".

This tale might motivate the folks at the New Jersey Motor Vehicle Commission in Trenton to sit up take notice of the license plates they’re handing out willy-nilly.

In NC [that’s North Carolina] a 60 year-old driver was clued in by her grandchildren as to just what the three letter combonition WTF means in ‘text-talk’. Now 10,000 drivers need to get their license plates replaced. Now, the car owners are yelling “WTF”.