March 17th, 2010 The Day New Jersey Stood Still

March 17th, 2010 The Day New Jersey Stood Still

It was like the plot from the 1950s science fiction movie: An alien (first Republican elected state-wide in very Blue New Jersey in 12 years) with his mighty robot (Big Budget Ax) land their spacecraft in State Capital Trenton. We need to say, "Klaatu barada nikto!" before it's too late.

They bring an important message to the State that he wishes to tell to representatives of the entire State. However, communication turns out to be difficult, so, after learning something about the natives, he decides on an alternative approach. He lives amongst us, and he reveals himself, along with the news that Big Budget Ax is a member of a race of super-robot enforcers invented to keep the budget of the State in check--- that will destroy the State if provoked.

Some of the major proposals in Republican Un-Governor Chris Christie's 2011 budget:

Education:

— Reduces state aid to primary and secondary K-12 schools by $820 million. Schools will lose up to 5 percent of their budgets. Districts where state aid is less than 5 percent will lose all that aid.

— Reduces state aid to colleges and universities by $175 million; eliminates aid to independent universities.

Property Taxes:

— Eliminates rebates for everyone in 2010.

— Gives reduced rebates to senior citizens, the disabled and low-income wage earners in April of 2011.

— Allows no one additional to join the "senior freeze" program, which lets low-income senior and disabled citizens lock in their property tax rates when they enroll.

— Proposes that rebate checks be converted to automatic property tax credits.

— Proposes that a 2.5 percent cap on property taxes be enacted for towns and schools. If towns or schools want to exceed the cap, they must get voter approval.

Income Taxes:

— Reduces the state tax credit for lower-income workers known as the Earned Income Tax Credit to 20 percent from 25 percent of the federal benefits. The eligibility would remain the same, but the credit would be lower.

Health Care:

— As of July 1, allows no more adults can enroll in the NJ FamilyCare program. The program offers free or subsidized health insurance coverage to low-income children and their parents.

— Closes two state-run hospitals, Hagedorn Psychiatric Hospital in Glen Gardner — one of four such state-run facilities in the state — and Vineland-West Hospital.

Layoffs:

— Approximately 1,300 state workers will face layoffs beginning in January. It is unclear how many of those are union workers and when the layoffs will occur.

Pensions:

— Skips a $3 billion pension payment to a system that is already underfunded by $46 billion.

March 14, 2010 Governor Christie Cuts The Day to Just 23 Hours

Governor Christie Cuts The Day to Just 23 Hours

In yet another Executive Order sure to rile clock and calendar makers, Governor Chris Christie issued Executive Order 247, cutting back an hour a day from the days in New Jersey.

“This will save New Jersey residents 365 hours every year, and at least $7.25 per hour per resident ----roughly a total of $23,067,361,250.00 for our state coffers. That’s a lot, I think,” said the spokesman for the governor.

Democratic legislative leadership vowed to request the New Jersey Supreme Court to issue a stay to the Executive Order 247, and have the “Order only effect just Sunday, March 14,” and “to get the hour back by the fall in November.” This order particularly irked the Democratic leadership because of the governor signing the order to take place "between 2AM and 3AM" Sunday morning, "while New Jersey residents slept".

EXECUTIVE ORDER NO. 247

WHEREAS, the State of New Jersey (“State”) is confronting an unprecedented temporal crisis affecting all levels of government; and

WHEREAS, actual and anticipated time spent and utilized by the State continue to fall far below the amounts estimated in the Temporal Year 2010

NOW, THEREFORE, I, CHRIS CHRISTIE, Governor of the State of New Jersey, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and by the Statutes of this State, do hereby ORDER and DIRECT:

That ONE-HOUR per day shall be removed from the days in New Jersey, commencing Sunday, March 14th, 2009.

A Funny Democrat and a Funny Republican come together for a good cause.

President Obama and Senator McCain may not have gotten along at the Health Care Reform Summit. And Governor Christie may have his sights set on the NJ budget woes that will sure to flare up with Senate President Steve Sweeney.

But, Republicans and Democrats can work together to work on helping raise funds for a good cause.


Stand Up Against Hunger is a fund raising event hosted by Elijah’s Promise to abate hunger in the community of New Brunswick. The one time comedy show will help raise funds for the soup kitchen.

The event boasts two featured comedians me, Joey Novick (Democrat) and Republican Assemblyman Jon Bramnick (‘Funniest Lawyer in New Jersey’) with special guest appearances by Scott Blakeman and Jeff Kreisler.

Scott Blakeman has appeared on Comedy Central's Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, and co-hosted of several political humor segments on NBC's "Sunday Today". Scott was the warmup comedian for the Late Show with David Letterman and the CBS comedy series Welcome To New York.


Jeff Kreisler is the winner of the Bill Hicks Spirit Award for Thought Provoking Comedy, writer for Comedy Central's Indecision2008, IFC, and author of Harper Collins' "Get Rich Cheating" (a Boston Globe bestseller).

Since Elijah's Promise began in 1989, they have been helping low-income people in the central New Jersey community. From nutritious meals, to social services and health screening, to culinary arts job training and entrepreneurial training, to our their own catering business, Elijah's Promise has been moving people from hunger to wholeness.

Info:

Thursday March 18th
Crossroads Theatre (7 Livingston Ave. New Brunswick)

TICKETS:
Advanced at www.standup.dojiggy.com $25
at the door $35
Limited seating--reserve your tickets today!

Doors open at 6:15 for refreshments
Show begins at 7:00
General admission seating

Sarah Palin: Testing the Tea Waters

Last night, when Sarah Palin took the stage at the first ever Tea Party Convention in Nashville, TN to the sounds of cheering from those who could afford the $300 price tag for the dinner, she was clearly testing the waters for the 2012 race for President. If my memory serves me correctly, the first tea party---the one up in Boston cost zilch. And the folks who attended dressed up in costume. The folks last night were dressed in their Conservative best.

Palin, becoming well known more for her “Quip Conservatism” rather than true conservative values, had President Obama right in her sights. She poked fun of his intellectual prowess, by declaring that, “To win that war [on terrorism], we need a commander in chief, not a professor of law,”

Yup, we were better off with someone like Bush as Commander-in-Cheif who told us with his cowboy imperialism to “Bring’em on!”, with regard to terrorists. Or someone like Palin who could not name a Supreme Court decision she’d disagree with or name a single newspaper or magazine she reads. Or said "Ohh, good, thank you, yes,” after a Canadian prank caller complimented her on the documentary about her life, Hustler's "Nailin Paylin.”

Yup, that’s who we need in the White House. Someone who declares that “I will live, I will die for the people of America…This party that we call the Tea Party, this movement, as I say, is the future of politics in America.”

As long as there is a $100,000 price tag for speaking.

However, I leave with this warning from radio-show host Lionel, posted on Facebook:

“Laugh at Sarah Palin at your own peril. She's a superstar among a very volatile and very angry electorate. Tea baggers mobilize; they show up; they vote. How many Obamanation acolytes have receded into the woodwork and retreated to their keyboards and keypads? And finally, if anyone else had said what Palin said about Obama, you might have very well agreed. You just can't believe she's this big.”

Trenton News Break:

"Democrats offer to trade undisclosed amount of cash, Senators Turner, Girgenti, and Van Drew for Bill Baroni and 'Legislation to be named later'.

Deal falls apart when Webber and Repubs offer to throw in Cardinale to sweeten the pot."

Where were you when we tried to reach 62?

62*: Some important facts about 62, and what the number means.

62 is a composite number with the divisors 2 and 31 being the eighteenth discreet semiprime, product of two prime numbers. The Great Rhombicosidodecahedron is an Archimedean Solid with 62 Faces. 62! = 3.14699733 × 1085.

62 is the code for international direct dial calls to Indonesia, the address of the home of Wallace and Gromit is located on West Wallaby Street, the number of counties in New York state and the number of moons orbiting Jupiter. And Pliny the Younger was born in 62 A.D.

At age 62, Ed Sullivan, introduced the Beatles to America, Franklin Roosevelt won a fourth term as President, and John Wayne won an Oscar for Best Actor for True Grit .

In 1962, The Beatles first record, "My Bonnie" with Tony Sheridan, is released by Polydor and Ringo Starr replaces Pete Best as their drummer.

In 1962, the first black student, James Meredith registers at the University of Mississippi, Johnny Carson takes over as permanent host of NBC's Tonight Show, and President John F. Kennedy makes a commitment that America will send a man to the moon by the end of the decade. And 2062 is the year when the cartoon show The Jetsons takes place.

All very important references to the number 62.

However, for the next week, 62 is the important number in New Jersey for another reason: It's the only Marriage Equality will pass.

21 members of the Senate. 41 members of the Assembly equal 62. That's the magic number.

So, the question remains: Where were you, when we tried to reach 62?

Antonia Ricigliano cuts her own salary in first act as Edison mayor

Antonia "Toni" Ricigliano officially began her tenure as Edison's first female mayor yesterday with a vow. “As the first woman chief executive, there are opportunities and challenges ahead, but I am up to the task,” the Democrat told the crowd after being sworn in by her son, Joseph Ricigliano Jr., an Edison-based attorney.

“Woman in the United States traditionally get paid less, so I am going to take less money in my role as Mayor,” declared Mayor Antonia "Toni" Ricigliano of Edison. “It is the right thing to do in tough economic times.”

The 71-year-old former town councilwoman announced she's cutting the mayor's salary by $26,000.

She cited a study done by the Institute for Women’s Policy Research done on “The Gender Wage Gap: 2008”. “The ratio of women’s and men’s median annual earnings in 2008 was 77.1 for full-time, year-round workers, down from 77.8 in 2007. This means the gender wage gap is now 22.9 percent,” declared Mayor Ricigliano. “It’s the only fair thing to do.”

Also in the crowd was Ricigliano’s predecessor, Jun Choi. Ricigliano shocked the town in June when she ousted Choi -- the youngest and first Asian-American mayor in Edison history -- in the Democratic primary.

Choi said that there was nothing to the rumor that he lost because of his refusal to add a “nickname in quotes or in (parentheses)” to his official title as mayor. An unnamed Democratic consultant who asked to remain anonymous said that a “ ‘nickname in quotes or in parentheses’ makes the political figure seem more accessible to the average ‘Jersey Joe ‘or ‘Jersey Jane’ in the state. Look at the success of former Assembly Speaker Garabed ‘Chuck’ Haytaian.”

It was suggested that former Mayor Jun Choi add “Skippy” or “Education-Boy” to make the former senior official with the New Jersey Department of Education seem more user-friendly to Edison residents.

Now, Mayor Ricigliano plans to visit a place she’s never even seen before: the mayor's office. "I'll see it Monday morning," she said with a smile.

'Twas the week before 2010

'Twas the week before 2010, and all through the State,

Not a Politico was worried, about our problems so great.

They were all on recess with nary a care,

West State Street was empty---not a lobbyist was there.


All Politicos went home--to the South and the North,

‘cause ‘Lame Duck’ was over, --at least ‘til the Fourth.

Both the Reds and the Blues---had new state leaders in place,

And some had their eyes on their Congressional race.


In ’09, Three Wise Men vied for the state’s top post,

Only one could win, and the others would be ‘toast’.

And for the first time, a Lt. Gov would be elected,

Serving at the side of the man who’d be selected.


But the November Election had caused such a clatter,

Talking important issues ---like which candidate was fatter.

Driving records, loans to friends, and who paid what tax.

Emails to ex-girl friends and who worked at Goldman Sachs.


While the Governor incumbent, used his own cash,

The other campaigns were paid with taxpayers’ stash.

Did they get their money’s worth in the campaign?

Well, some taxpayers voted, but they mostly abstained.


Christie went after State corruption with political zest,

Some politicos were indicted, some subject to arrest.

"On Sharpe James! On, Bryant! On Manzo, Mims Hackett!

“You’re gonna help me get to my new home, Drumthwacket.”


Christie said he’d cut spending- “I’ll turn Trenton upside down!”

“Things will change when I get to that town!”

"I will never raise your taxes! Never! Not one cent"

But never revealed specifics about what would be spent.


Back and forth the polls said the lead changed hands.

Who would we agree on? Who’d have the most fans?

Their Debate raged on like a “Who’s on First?” routine,

Only thing the candidates agreed on: Bruce Springsteen.


And so in November the result of the Election,

Was that New Jersey had chosen a new, different direction.

Of course, this was not what the Democrats would expect.

But now, Chris Christie of Mendhem is the Governor-Elect.


Some say “He is full of bluster. Will be a lousy state boss.”

“And he’d benefit much from a Dale Carnegie course.”

You can say what you will about the Christie machine.

But any governor contenders must wait till 2013.


Tis true that problems won’t change very much,

With taxes and debt and traffic and such;

Still, no better place to live than New Jersey, right here,

"Happy Holidays to all, and to all a Good Year!

Coalition of Indicted and Jailed Politcos form Group to Help State

The New Jersey’s CrimeStoppers Program has made thousands of arrests and paid out hundreds of thousands of dollars in reward money over the past two decades. But officials say many of the do-gooders who have turned in thieves; rapists and killers have truly been good Samaritans and turned down the reward money.

"The majority of people don’t want the money," said Morris County CrimeStoppers Chairman John Sette. "They want the bad guys off the street."

Well, the State now has nothing to worry about: A group of former elected officials, now serving time in prison, have formed a group to help the state out, so that the money can be distributed for a “good cause”.

From behind prison doors, former State Senators Sharpe James, Wayne Bryant and John Lynch have formed CASH, Citizens Associated for State Help. “There is no group who is more committed to handing state money than we are,” said former state senator Sharpe James, through a prison spokesman. James (federal inmate number 28791-050) is currently serving a 2-year prison sentence in a federal prison camp in Petersburg, Virginia. The investigation and prosecution of James was led by New Jersey Governor-elect Christopher Christie, who at the time was the United States Attorney for the District of New Jersey.

Former State Senator John Lynch agreed, “We are used to handling large sums of cash, and are more than willing to help the state out in these tough economic times.” Lynch, the former State Senate President from 1989 to 1991, pleaded guilty in the U.S. District Court on one count of mail fraud and one count of tax evasion in 2006.

Their plan is to take the large amount of the state funds, convert it to CASH for use in the “white envelope industry, the diners on state roads, and the table manufacterors for 'under-table' construction."

"CASH is committed to helping the state in anyway we can, and we look forward to working with Governor Christie," finished Mr. James.

Former Mayors are currently forming CASH Franchises around the state. Anthony Suarez of Ridgefield, Dennis Elwell of Secaucus, Leona Beldini of Jersey City, and Peter Cammarano III of Hoboken, all forward to working with CASH.

Jersey Officials finally caught up with Ilya the Manatee. Problem: No Beach Tags.

After almost two months vacationing in the Garden State, Jersey Officials finally caught up with Ilya the Manatee.

Problem: No Beach Tags.

“This big fat sea cow had no Beach Pass to speak of. And he’s been lounging around the water near the Atlas Yacht Club in Bayonne. Next, in a creek outside a Linden oil refinery,” said a local beach official who wished to remain anonymous.

Ilya was first spotted Thursday morning in Morses Creek off the Arthur Kill by a ConocoPhillips worker conducting regular inspection rounds at the Bayway refinery, according to company spokesman Rich Johnson.

Johnson was livid at this kind of scam. “If I have to reach in my pocket for a Beach Tag for my family to use the Jersey Shore, so does this fatso,” squawked Johnson, sounding perturbed. It may have been that Ilya the Manatee was not used to having to pay for a Beach Tag. The beaches along the coast from Florida through North Carolina, Virginia and Delaware are all free.

Generally, manatees weigh between 880 to 1,200 lb, and are about 9.2 feet to 9.8 feet long. Since this was a first offense, Ilya was let off with a warning. However, he was placed under the authority of the US Coast Guard, and sent back to his home state of Florida, under the aegis of the Miami Seaquarium.

“This guy Ilya was huge. It took ten of us to lift him into the transport,” said a Coast Guard spokesman. “Very lazy. All he wanted to do was float around and eat vegetables.”

The Hunterdon County Republican Committee met today to choose a Freeholder

The Hunterdon County Republican Committee met today to choose a successor to replace Freeholder Erik Peterson, who resigned Tuesday to become a member of the State Assembly. Peterson took the place of Senator Michael Doherty, who stepped up to take the place of Leonard Lance, who became a member of Congress in January.

Initially, there were three candidates seeking to replace Mr. Peterson. Contenders included Mayor Rob Walton of Hampton; Tom Borkowski, a former Clinton Township mayor, and Carol Hoffmann, an Alexandria Committeewoman. But late yesterday, a fourth candidate emerged: The Wolf-Dog, who was nominated after continuing to escape from his owners in Holland Township. Wolf dogs are defined as dogs with a wolf ancestor in the past three generations.

Holland Township resident Cliff Zager thinks the Township Committee's consideration of banning wolf dogs is something personal. So, he decided to nominate his Wolf-Dog for freeholder, in an attempt to fight for his rights. Zager owns 14 of the dogs, which are a hybrid of wolves and domesticated canines. "I believe the Township is hell-bent on getting me out of here," said Zager.

“The Holland Wolf-Dog is the really perfect Republican candidate. They have unpredictable behavior patterns. Very curious and are generally more destructive than dogs. They have social habits revolving around a pack structure,” continued Zager. “Their aggression tends to peak during the winter months when hormones run high. Attacks may also be spurred by people becoming suddenly and conspicuously vulnerable due to either injury, disease or fear. Once again, the perfect Freeholder come budget time.”

However, after all the votes were counted, Hampton mayor Rob Walton was chosen by Hunterdon's Republican party leaders to be the county's fifth freeholder. “I will work hard for all Hunterdon residents,” said Walton uncomfortably, as he eyed the Wolf-Dog, growling.

Roundin' Up The News 12.2.09

Here you go, folks---a round up of the top stories from around the Garden State in small bites you can almost taste.

N.J. Governor-elect blasts Democrats, Senator Paul Sarlo gives pre-emptive response.

TRENTON -- Returning from a Thanksgiving vacation, Gov.-elect Chris Christie today quickly ended any illusion of harmony in the gubernatorial transition.

With rhetorical flourish, the Republican criticized three main issues: He tore into Democratic Gov. Jon Corzine’s "wildly off" budget projections, his nomination of "unqualified" Middlesex County Sheriff Joseph Spicuzzo to sit on the New Jersey Sports and Exposition Authority, and various Democrats’ lame-duck maneuvers, including weighing bills that would require spending.

In a pre-emptive response to the Governor-elect’s criticism of the three issues, Senator Paul Sarlo declared, “Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.”

The Governor-elect could not be reached for further comment.

Hapless NJ Nets' move to Brooklyn gets boost

The New Jersey Nets planned move to Brooklyn advanced Tuesday when the team owner received favorable ratings on the bonds he must sell to build an arena and a court knocked down another appeal of the project, according to a report in The New York Times. This was surprising considering the New Jersey Nets are lounging in last place in the Atlantic Division of the Eastern Conference at 0-17.

An anonymous source from the bond-ranking service said “We have used the same metrics here that we used to measure the economic status last year of Lehman Brothers, AIG, and General Motors. And we feel confident that the best is yet to come. The Nets will turn things around very soon.”

In other Nets related news, NJ Nets players approve of choice of Kiki Vandeweghe as new coach, who will apply immediately for TARP bailout funds from the Federal government “ so the team can afford better player, like Jason Kidd.”

New state Senator Michael Doherty targets Highlands Council.

Michael Doherty became the state senator for the 23rd District, which includes all of Warren County, on Nov. 23 in the Trenton legislative chambers. Senate President Richard Codey administered the oath, and Linda Doherty held the Bible.

Michael Doherty says he will press for the abolition of the Highlands Planning Council in his new position as state senator for the 23rd District.

In a time of economic downturn, the Highlands “has added great uncertainty to economic activity this part of state,” he said. Senator Doherty is sure to be one of the more conservative members of the upper house.

Mr. Doherty, who has a strong belief in smaller and smaller government continued, “I would also like to see the eventual dismantling of COAH, the dismantling of beaches of New Jersey by allowing off-shore oil drilling, and maybe even the eventual dismantling of counties of Warren and Hunterdon, and the entire northwestern portion of the state.”

Finally he stated, “Perhaps an itsy bitsy government would be best at every level.”

Joey Novick can be reached via email at joeynovick@earthlink.net.

Not Just a Second Banana

Twenty lieutenant governors and seconds-in-command succeeded to governor from 2000 thru November of 2009. Several of the largest states by population are lead by former lieutenant governors. An average of one in every four governors first served as lieutenant governor or first in line of succession. A study showed no other city, state or Congressional office is more successful than the office of lieutenant governor as a springboard to governor.

Bill Halter, Brad Owen, John Cherry, Becky Skillman, Barbara Lawton, Casey Cagle, Peter Kinder, Walter Dalton and James ‘Duke’ Aiona. Their names may not be familiar to you, but they are America’s last line of defense when a state’s chief executive is no longer able to lead.

They are the greatest of unknown Americans: the Lieutenant Governors.

New Jersey long scoffed at the idea of having an LG. Why have an orderly transition in the case of a gubernatorial vacancy when you can have the Senate President also be the Acting Governor? You’re saving a paycheck and office space. Plus, you won’t have to keep redecorating Drumthwacket.

While Chris Christie is becoming New Jersey’s 55th governor in January, the truly historic news is that Monmouth County Sheriff Kim Guadagno will be the first Lieutenant Governor in the history of our state. Never before has New Jersey had a permanent second-in-command, and only time will tell how that will change our politics.

The most exciting aspect of New Jersey having an LG is that New Jersey has never had a scandal involving an LG. We’ve never had federal law enforcement agents storm an LG’s office and carry away computers. No LG has ever been caught in a sex scandal, taken a bribe, or hired people for no-show jobs. It is the cleanest office in New Jersey.

While we’ve had all sorts of elected officials go to prison, no New Jersey LG has ever been behind bars.
Clean slate, so far.

Also in 2010, New Jersey will be able to take its rightful place in one of the nation’s most prestigious organizations, the National Lieutenant Governors Association. When the NLGA meets in Washington, D.C. in March to take care of important lieutenant governor business, Kim Guadagno will be there to make sure that New Jersey’s voice is heard.

What do you think the conversation is like at these meetings? “My governor lets me have full run of the mansion when he’s away, and he gave me the code on the remote control so I can watch all of the pay-movie stations.” “When he’s got a lot of meetings, my governor let’s me take his limo wherever I want to go.”

Actually, according to the NLGA’s website, lieutenant governors are making big news. Michigan LG John Cherry was highlighted for his outspoken support of the state’s new multi-species hunting package. Now, people in Michigan can get pre-approved to hunt for all sorts of animals, not just elk and deer but turkeys too. Missouri LG Peter Kinder is passing out gold, silver and bronze medals to people who take part in the “Your Heart is in Your Hands” healthy food and exercise program. North Carolina LG Walter Dalton even started a charity drive to get shoes to needy children by holding a “barefoot” press conference.
Important work for all.

So I now call on my fellow New Jerseyans to give their full support to Kim Guadagno as she looks to make her mark among the other great Americans now serving as Lieutenant Governor. And take her rightful place at the NLGA annual conference in Mississippi on July 27th-31st, 2010 at the Beau Rivage Resort.

Flemingtoon* 11.24.09 *All dialogue mostly guaranteed almost verbatim.

I have a Blackberry device that I am not completely thrilled with. It’s clunky and not intuitive like an IPhone, which I would rather have. In fact, the regular message on all my Blackberry emails is “I have a Verizon Blackberry, but I would rather have an IPhone.”

While the folks at Verizon were not too happy about that, it’s my phone and I will send out the message that I want.

Anyway, the email function on the Blackberry has this spelling correction feature -- Presumptive Spelling. When generating a text or email message, I often use abbreviations. The Presumptive Spelling function “thinks” that I am misspelling certain words and will automatically change the words to what it thinks it should be.

The other day I get an email from a local Democrat in Flemington, and she [let’s go with a generic name of “Shirley”] asks me the following question:

“My husband and I were appalled to find out that State Senators and Assemblymen can still practice as lawyers when they get elected. Can Chris Christie still be a lawyer when he becomes governor? We’d thought you might know.”

So, I answered her on my Blackberry:

Shirley,

“When he becomes Governor, Christie will still be atty.” [I abbreviated ‘attorney’ as ‘atty’.]

Her answer to me seemed odd, at the time: “Not funny. Stop the jokes.”

Upon further investigation, I made a discovery.

The only thing is the Presumptive Spelling function ‘corrected’ the ‘atty’ abbreviation for me, and unbeknownst to me, I hit SEND.

The correction produced:

“When he becomes Governor, Christie will still be fatty.”

Makes me wonder what other embarrassing ‘corrections’ lurk in the Presumptive Spelling function. Now, I need to figure how to turn it off.

Murray’s Margin of Error

Patrick Murray is the founding director of the Monmouth University Polling Institute. According to their website, “The Monmouth University Polling Institute has become a premier independent survey research center known for its in-depth tracking of public policy and quality of life issues.”

Murray is a frequent media commentator on politics and public opinion---in fact, one of the folks that PolitickerNJ.com asked the opinion of each week to see which gubernatorial candidate “Won The Week”. PolitickerNJ.com named him one of 14 People to Watch in New Jersey Politics in 2009. He’s got a fancy looking website, with all sorts of numbers and names, graphs and graphics, statistics and such. Polling Institute director Patrick Murray appears regularly on One-on-One with Steve Adubato, and is a frequent guest on all the shows that cover NJ political scene.

Furthermore, according to their website, “The Monmouth University Poll’s standard methodology utilizes a random digit dial (RDD) ‘probability’ sampling design to select survey participants. All telephone exchanges (i.e., area code and first three digits of the phone number) that reach a household are programmed into a computer…after interviewing is complete, the sample is ‘weighted’ to correct for the fact that some respondents are harder to reach than others…. The Monmouth University Poll either tracks or adjusts for geography, gender, race, age, and education to comport with current U.S. census figures of the adult population. This weighting ensures that findings from a sample can be generalized to the full target population.”

One would think that Mr. Murray could predict anything with extreme accuracy, given all the fancy degrees, computers, and statistics training.

But wait, there is this catch-all disclaimer on all the surveys: “All surveys are subject to ‘sampling error’ ”----you know, that “plus or minus” number at the end of the poll that tells you just how much they could be off by. “This poll has a margin of error of plus or minus 3%” or so is what you’ll hear.

Now, my background---I am just an old, bald, overweight comedian from Brooklyn, with no fancy statistics degree. I don’t have an extravagant office at Monmouth University. I am not on NJN or ‘One on One with Steve Adubato’ each week. I was not named one of PolitickerNJ’s ‘most important’ anything last year or this year. And the same will most likely be the case for next year.

My methods for predicting the results of a contest between two (or more) does not require me to spend hours and hours bothering people of all ages by phone at dinner time, and then weighting the results ‘cause I could not get enough of one type of folk or another.

I just go by my instincts. That’s right—from the gut. My keen insight. My unique sixth sense. And that insight told me the Yanks in Six.

With all his fancy training, stats, and phone calls—what was Murray’s prediction?

That the Phillies repeat.

I guess that would be a margin of error of ---“plus or minus 100%” percent.

“I was looking at the World Series through (Phillies)red-colored glasses,” opined Mr. Murray, paying off on our bet. The result: one hundred dollars from his pocket to the Hole-in-the-Wall Gang Camps for kids with cancer. And he will be sending on a jar of honey to me, too. How sweet it is.

So, the lesson: If you want accurate predictions of who will win political races in NJ, stick with Murray. (I predicted Jon Corzine by 3 points).

However, if you wish to predict the winner of any World Series where the Yankees play the Phillies, call me.

If anyone else want to donate to the Hole-in-the-Wall Gang Camps for kids with cancer, go to www.jumpforjoey.org and follow the links.

"A Keg tapped at both ends." Well, it's time to tap back.

So, there you have it:

Cheese Steak vs. Hot Dog. South Bronx vs. South Philly. The Hudson vs. The Delaware. The City That Never Sleeps vs. The City of Brotherly Love. The Statue of Liberty vs. The Liberty Bell. Philadelphia Daily News vs. The New York Daily News.

Where WC Fields once said, “I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. ” And Jay Leno once said, “The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. ”

And just where is New Jersey with all of this? Just as Ben Franklin said, “A keg tapped at both ends”.

Well, it’s time to tap back.

What state will NY Yankees fans and Phillies fans have to pass through? Us. What roads will they have to travel on to get to their respective stadiums between now and next weekend? Ours. Which bathrooms will they be using if they drink too beer much at a game? Which gas stations will they use to fill up their tanks? Ours, that’s whose. Forget ‘Pay to Play’:

New Rule: “Pay to Pass Through.”

Set up EZPass to detect the Phillies ‘P’ and the Yankees ‘NY’ and quadruple the tolls. Charge them to use the bathrooms. If a Yankees and/or Phillies fans stops here for gas, charge’em a ‘pump your own gas’ surcharge. If they stop to eat in a NJ restaurant, add a World Series travel fee.

We have state debt in New Jersey, and now’s our shot to have help from Yankees and/or Phillies fans pay it down.

So, raise your beer to Ben Franklin: He had the right idea. He was just a century or two too early. And just had no way to pay for it.

(In the interest of complete disclosure, Ben would have most likely been a Phillies fan, where as I am a life-long Yankees fan. Prediction: Yanks in six.)

I Am New Genius

Over the past year, due to the illness of a family member, I had not been as involved in the local politics of my hometown of Flemington, as I would have liked. So this year, with the gubernatorial race in full throttle as well as local Council races needing a helping hand, I went to a local meeting of Democrats in Hunterdon County.

Now, the thing about Democrats in Hunterdon County is this: they are very dedicated souls, and true ‘blue’ to the core. If you’re a Democrat in this very Republican County, you’re REALLY a Democrat. There is no reason to be a Democrat here except for a true belief on the party of Wilson, Roosevelt, Kennedy, and Clinton.

Such is the case with Reyna and Irving Zelinsky. Great Democrats, always willing to help canvass, donate, host events, and phone bank during election time. I called upon them a lot, and they never say ‘no’.

The Zelinskys, now both American citizens, were originally from Czechoslovakia coming here as a couple in the 60s, forty years ago. They both speak English now, albeit with a Czechoslovakian accent. I met this couple about six years ago during a local Flemington campaign, when they asked me for help with a Motor Vehicle Commission matter. Seems that when they moved from NYC to New Jersey, there was some issue with switching Irving’s drivers license. He was getting the runaround in both New Jersey and New York, and was very frustrated. I made a few phone calls to both offices, and was able straighten out a simple bureaucratic mess. And we became friends through politics.

Upon my arrival at the meeting, I was very glad to see the Zelinskys. I had not seen them much in the last year or so, and was glad to run into them at this party meeting at the home of the local Democratic chair. Reyna and Irving never failed to call me “Mr. Novick”, and my ongoing joke was, “Mr. Novick, that’s my father. Call me Joey.”

Hugs all around, and Reyna says to me in her Czechoslovakian-accented English, “Mister Novick! How are you? I’m glad you’re here.” I make my usual joke, and say hello to Irving, too.

Then Reyna continues, “Mr. Novick, I missed you. Your new genius. I was just talking Irving the other day. I miss your new genius come election time.”

Well, I was very moved by this seemingly very moving complement. I've worked hard on elections, won more than I lost in this very Republican town, but never thought of myself as a ‘genius’. I attributed the term ‘new genius’ to her sometime misunderstanding of American idiomatic expressions. However, I thanked her anyway.

“Reyna, that is very kind of you, but we all work hard on elections in order to win. I am hardly a ‘genius’ or a ‘new genius’. I learn from everybody…I”.

Then she interrupts me and asks, “What are you mean ‘genius’? What?”

I am uncomfortable at her question, but try to laugh it off. “I think we are all geniuses—when we are working hard…”. Just then she turns to her husband, and she says something in her native language. He says something back, and they both start laughing together. Irving, laughing, tries to explain.

“Mr. Novick, Reyna didn’t say ‘new genius’. She said she misses your (he pauses to speak slowly)…she misses, we miss your ‘nudgey-ness’. The way during election time you call for meeting. You call for phone banks. Put sign up. Everyday you call. Help out with seniors. Help out at office. You’re a nudge. Your nudgey-ness. This we missed. Nudgey-ness.”

I smile, laugh and thank them again. However, I am humbled.

But, I know in my heart that one does have to be somewhat of a genius out here in Hunterdon to win as a Democrat, be a nudge, and still keep your sense of humor.

And make new friends like the Zelinskys.

GOP Recruits Serena Williams to Run for Congress After Profane Outburst.

"This is our kind of candidate we need running for Congress", says RNC Chairman Michael Steele.

"Can you imagine her at the next State of the Union address? Oba...ma won't be able to handle the 'F%#K Y%u!' she uses in her serves, or the 'A##hole!' she has in her baseline game. He's toast!"

Manners of the Members and the Top Eight Rejected Obama Heckle Response

Congressman Joe Wilson may be number one in South Carolina’s 2nd district, but Wednesday he clearly stepped in Number Two. If you heckle the president during a speech and you’re not a Congressman, you’ll usually be removed by Capitol Building police. However, if you are a member of the House, your behavior will only help your opponent raise money.

Wilson’s likely Democratic opponent has raised nearly $200,000 per word. Thus according to www.examiner.com, “Cash is still pouring in for Rob Miller, the Iraq war veteran and Democrat poised to challenge the infamously uncouth South Carolina Republican Joe Miller in next year’s House election.”

This is a great fundraising idea. Put President Obama on tour ---“Go ahead: Call Me A Liar 2009”----speaking in close districts where there is a Republican Congressman. Get the Congressman to call Obama names, and then watch the campaign contributions roll in.

Update: Not to be outdone, after Joe Wilson shouted out “You lie!”, California Congressman Jerry Lewis yelled out “Hey, Lady!”, and New Jersey’s own Rush Holt, yelled out an explanation of “the Unified Field Theory”

Top Eight Rejected Obama Heckle Responses: As a comedian, I have been periodically heckled in comedy clubs. It’s always good to have some responses in the can. Here are some that we know Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel suggested to President Obama, but the President wisely rejected:

1- “Obviously the Congressman is auditioning for Blue Collar Comedy Tour."

2- 'It's alright, folks, I remember the first time I had a beer.'

3- 'If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I would have farted.

4- 'Hey Congressman, so I guess there was no tractor pull tonight in South Carolina?

5- ‘Hey, Congressman. This is my job. I don't show up at your job and unplug the Slurpee machine.'

6- “Billions of sperm cells, and yours is the one that won.”

7- “Congressman, if I want anymore shit out of you, I’ll squeeze your head.

8- "I guess it’s true what they say about the South--it is a shame when cousins marry."

Recent crime reports have indicated two important trends in New Jersey: Violent crime is down; however, non-violent crime is up. Perhaps this second trend is directly attributable to the recently discovered driving record of gubernatorial candidate Chris Christie.

Mr. Christie has worked all summer trying to score points in the race for governor. And racing he has been doing: Between 1985 and 2000 Christie was found guilty on 10 tickets totaling 25 points on his license. Wonder what HIS insurance rates must be? Oh, I forgot ----at times, he has had no insurance, like at his stop in Lambertville.

So, that got me thinking---Christie is asking us to let him drive the New Jersey bus. But, would you trust him with your kids on a school bus? Is his driving record good enough for him to get a job driving a school bus in New Jersey?

Let’s see…if you go online, and Google ‘school bus driver’, you get hundreds of hits. So, there are plenty of jobs out there. I found one school in Old Bridge, with the following requirements:

• Current driver's license required with no more that 3 moving violations in past three years (no alcohol or drug related convictions)
• CPR and First Aid certification required
• 2+ years of experience transporting children highly desirable.

Christie has 25 points from 1985 to 2000----but none in the past three years. So, he is OK, there.

Don’t know if he is “CPR and First Aid certification required”. But when he got into an accident with a motorcycle rider, the rider did end up in the hospital. So, maybe Christie is not “CPR and First Aid certified”.

And finally, he does have experience driving kids around to ball games, etc. Thumbs up there.

When Christie down to give testimony to Congress over the summer, he left early because he had to take the train back. Perhaps he could have stayed longer had he driven down to DC. But with his driving record, maybe taking Amtrak was a good idea.

So, the jury is still out. Would you trust Chris Christie driving your kids in a school bus in the morning?