Thursday, September 10, 2009

Manners of the Members and the Top Eight Rejected Obama Heckle Response

Congressman Joe Wilson may be number one in South Carolina’s 2nd district, but Wednesday he clearly stepped in Number Two. If you heckle the president during a speech and you’re not a Congressman, you’ll usually be removed by Capitol Building police. However, if you are a member of the House, your behavior will only help your opponent raise money.

Wilson’s likely Democratic opponent has raised nearly $200,000 per word. Thus according to www.examiner.com, “Cash is still pouring in for Rob Miller, the Iraq war veteran and Democrat poised to challenge the infamously uncouth South Carolina Republican Joe Miller in next year’s House election.”

This is a great fundraising idea. Put President Obama on tour ---“Go ahead: Call Me A Liar 2009”----speaking in close districts where there is a Republican Congressman. Get the Congressman to call Obama names, and then watch the campaign contributions roll in.

Update: Not to be outdone, after Joe Wilson shouted out “You lie!”, California Congressman Jerry Lewis yelled out “Hey, Lady!”, and New Jersey’s own Rush Holt, yelled out an explanation of “the Unified Field Theory”

Top Eight Rejected Obama Heckle Responses: As a comedian, I have been periodically heckled in comedy clubs. It’s always good to have some responses in the can. Here are some that we know Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel suggested to President Obama, but the President wisely rejected:

1- “Obviously the Congressman is auditioning for Blue Collar Comedy Tour."

2- 'It's alright, folks, I remember the first time I had a beer.'

3- 'If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I would have farted.

4- 'Hey Congressman, so I guess there was no tractor pull tonight in South Carolina?

5- ‘Hey, Congressman. This is my job. I don't show up at your job and unplug the Slurpee machine.'

6- “Billions of sperm cells, and yours is the one that won.”

7- “Congressman, if I want anymore shit out of you, I’ll squeeze your head.

8- "I guess it’s true what they say about the South--it is a shame when cousins marry."

11 comments:

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Then on Saturday we had the birthers, deathers, tenthers, Becksters, Malkinites and dittoheads all together in one place, making Joe Wilson into the Messiah.
I hear the FDA is close to approving a drug that cures stupidity! Everyone in this group needs it!

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