Sunday, August 31, 2008

Pearls of Wisdom

My mother, Pearl, always gave great advice in life. “Always wait a half hour after eating at the beach before you go swimming.”

“Finish your food. Children are starving in Europe [or alternatively, China, when I noticed that children were fat in France].”

And she warned me to clean up after myself when visiting someone’s house. And she gives good advice to this day.

Obviously, however, this is not something Bill or Hillary Clinton followed. It seems they both left their crumpled up pre-speech “To Do” lists on the Podium at the Convention. Fortunately, because of my wide spread connections in the world of politics, I knew the staffers who cleaned up, and they forwarded to me the actual notes themselves, warts and all.

And now I share them with you:

Actual speech “To Do” List found on the Podium at the Democratic Convention after the speech made by President Bill Clinton Wednesday night, in Bill’s handwriting, apparently....

Bill Clinton ---Notes to myself:

1. Remember to refer to Denver as the Mile High City, not the “Mile High Club”.

2. Keep eye contact with Hillary or Chelsea or both ONLY, NOT the hot looking blonde delegate from Hawaii in the third row. OK to say ‘hi’ to her by tugging on your ear during the speech.

3. Keep speech on topic; find out what the topic is.

4. Make sure you mention that Hillary got 18 million votes at least three times. Avoid mentioning “Michigan” or “Florida”.

5. Use the “…a place called Hope” line. They still love that crap.

6. Oh yeah, and it’s “Barack Obama” ---you’re endorsing---try to work that name in somewhere in the speech.

7. Don’t mention that you were actually the first Black president.

8. After the speech, return Eliot Spitzer’s call, and get that phone number from him of his ‘friend’.

Notes from Hillary.

Also, this is an actual “To Do” List found on the Podium at the Democratic Convention after the speech made by Senator Hillary Clinton Tuesday night, last week.

1. Wear dark pants suit, the one that makes you look thinner. When waving, don’t turn your back to the audience.

2. Don’t laugh. No matter what---just smile.

3. Don’t cry. Again, no matter what---just smile.

4. Work in a pitch for contributions, we have a huge campaign debt to cover.

5. When you tell people to vote for “Barack Obama” [BAH-ROCK OH-BA-MA], and not John McCain, try to look sincere. Look straight in to the camera, and smile. Practice this in front of mirror!!! Keep teeth gritting to a minimum.

6. Update resume for job search.

7. Bring signed copies of “It Takes a Village” for back of room sales, after speech. Remember that Obama wants his cut of all sales.

So, there you. You probably are as surprised as I am at their carelessness. But, maybe, just maybe, they wanted these “To Do” notes to be found.....hmm.

McCain and Palin both depend on their staff....

"As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me, what is it exactly that the VP does every day?...We want to make sure that that VP slot would be a fruitful type of position..."
-- Gov. Sarah Palin, a month ago.

"I think — I'll have my staff get to you," McCain told Politico in Las Cruces, N.M. "It's condominiums where — I'll have them get to you.
-- Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) said in an interview...that he was uncertain how many houses he and his wife, Cindy, own.

Just who is this person on their 'staffs' ---who knows all this information? That's the person who should be the Republican nominee, as the only one who seems to know what's going on.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Separated at birth?

There was something oddly familiar about the photo of Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska. The resemblance is uncanny. Palin looks exactly like Dr. Jennifer Melfi from "The Sopranos".

And I don't know why I had not seen this before.

Here are the photos side by side:

Melfi is on the left. Gov. Palin is on the right. No, wait...maybe it's the other, I was right the first time.

Strange, though that McCain is drawn to a woman that looks like Tony Soprano's psychiatrist. Go figure.

Their Party picks Palin; now they’re in a pickle.

This is Maryline Blackburn, the 1984 winner of the Miss Alaska contest. More about her later.

McCain chose the 1984 second place finisher for his VP, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin.

As the Repubs gather in the Twin Cities starting Labor Day Monday, the NJ Repubs are just gushing over the pick. Conservative Steve Lonegan, Senator Diane Allen, Sen. Kevin O’Toole and Senator Bill Baroni just think she is the cat’s meow.

And Baroni thinks she puts “New Jersey in play” for McCain. Which Six Flags ride did Baroni just get off?

“Now we’re adding a conservative choice in Sarah Palin who appeals to New Jersey’s conservative and independent voters, men and women,” said Baroni to The PolitickerNJ. And just what is it about the Alaska Guv that will appeal to NJ voters??

A couple of pointers: No VP pick, short of Bruce Springsteen himself, could put New Jersey ‘in play’ for McCain. We know it. They know it. That’s just more Baroni balogna.

This women will not resonate with New Jersey voters at all: she has nothing on common with them. She hunts, is a member of the NRA, and is solidly anti-choice. She hunts, eats moose hamburger, ice fishes, and rides snowmobiles. She was the second runner up in the 1984 Miss Alaska contest. Maybe if she had won, and at least came to see Atlantic City, then we could talk.

I am sure Dan Quayle is thinking, "Great. I don't suck as a pick anymore." Oh, but she was born in Idaho, so maybe she can spell 'potato'.

Some quirks: She smoked marijuana in Alaska when ---it was legal, “but did not like it”. She eats moose-burgers. She was a sports reporter before becoming the Mayor of Wasilla, population 5200.

Palin opposes abortion and supported the 1998 constitutional amendment banning marriage equality. She supports the death penalty. She certainly has the same resume of every Jersey girl I know.

Now, the winner of the 1984 Miss Alaska contest, Maryline Blackburn, would probably appeal to NJ voters more effectively. She is African-American, a singer who has performed with Bob Hope, Peabo Bryson, and Cab Calloway. She has appeared in films with Tom Cruise and one directed by Spike Lee.

Now, that is a woman who would put NJ in play for McCain...

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Obama Omerta for New Jersey

No one from New Jersey can be accused of being a 'close talker' at the Democratic Convention in Denver.

Corzine? Nope. Lautenberg? Nope. Newark Mayor Cory Booker? Nope. And not even Senator Bob Menendez. No one is close talking, or doing any talking at all, for that matter. It’s a case of “Obama Omerta”.

Not one person from New Jersey will get any podium time at the Democratic Convention. One would think it’s because most were all Clinton supporters. Nope, not so. Obama supporter Congressman Steve Rothman? Nope, again.

Some say it is the lingering bad blood between the New Jersey Democratic Clinton-ites and the panorama of Obama folks.

But, remember, New Jersey also failed to support Lincoln in 1860 and 1864.

Sen. Bob Menendez declined a speaking role at the Convention because it was not ‘prime-time’ enough. Menendez was a strong supporter of Clinton. Anyway, Obama needs supporters like Menendez in order to reach out to Latino voters.

Classy guy that Menendez is, he said, “You know, the thing is: speaking is not important. Winning is," Menendez said. "Speaking is a moment in time; winning is a moment in history."

Friday, August 22, 2008

Occasional Irregularity

Please forgive me for posting only with occasional irregularity. It has been a month heavily occupied with vacation obligations, ill family-member visits, and general chores piling up hither and yon. But now, I am back, baby.

I mean with the Denver Democratic Convention just around yonder corner, where else could I be.So, I begin committed anew to trying to get a head start with posting each and every day as much as possible once again.

I hearken back to a former feature that I used to feature each and every Friday ---brought to my attention by Cindy of High Bridge and Frank of New Brunswick, two chimeric but regular readers---the Putz and the Mensch of the Week. So, let’s bring that back today.

First some explanation, for those unfamiliar with the terms. Putz in Yiddish means literally, “a diminutive form of penis” or a prick. But, then again, most of the Yiddish words I learned as a child seemed to mean ‘penis’. Used here, as we do in English to describe a nasty, unlikable man. A putz generally means ‘fool’, ‘idiot’, a nasty person, a nasty, unlikable a stupid person. Y’know, a putz.

Now, mensch, has a much better meaning: Mensch: Usually referring to a decent human being, a good, honest person who always takes the high road. Being called a mensch is the ultimate compliment.

So, here we go.

The Putz of the Week is the Assemblyman Mike Doherty, who this week called on Governor Corzine to “HOLD OFF ON DAMAGING NEW REGULATIONS AS CLIMATE CHANGE THEORIES CLASH.” Doherty claimed that “NEW SCIENTIFIC DATA JUSTIFIES REPEALING GLOBAL WARMING RESPONSE ACT.” Turns out what should be repealed is the vote putting Doherty in to office. The truth is that Doherty cited “a weather man -- one with no expertise on climate science -- as his second example of dissent with the ‘universal scientific consensus’ on global warming. So, for his never ending march to claim that the earth is flat, too----we name Doherty the Putz of the Week.

The Mensch of the Week is an easy one:

Congressman Chris Smith. Smith this week did something that heroes do: Smith traveled to Georgia to meet with officials and remained there to help facilitate the safety of two girls, Ashley and Sophia Evans, who live in Howell Township. After the Russian Army invaded, they were stuck in the war torn nation, and now they’re safe with their family. Smith had been criticized in the past for too many trips abroad. But not this time. Kudos aplenty to Congressman Smith.

Monday, August 18, 2008

The Check is in the Mail. And so is your vote.

One chamber down, and the other one to go.

If the Senate agrees with the Assembly, voting by mail will get easier in New Jersey. Just ask the folks in Oregon and Washington who have been voting by mail for years. Seems to work well there, why not make it easier in New Jersey.

And we can use a system that makes it easier to vote in the Garden State. The elderly, the disabled ----anyone who needs to stay at home or in a care facility---we should make it as easy as pie to vote. And for the rest of us, that would not be bad either.

Of course, the strategy in elections would change drastically---without everyone voting on the same day at the same time, a local party could run a strong vote by mail campaign, and win before Election Day. Hmmm.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

McCain: Living in another century

"In the 21st century nations don't invade other nations."
-- Sen. John McCain, on the conflict in Georgia

Nope, I guess they don't "invade".

However, perhaps McCain thinks nations 'occupy' or 'overrun' other nations. Or maybe 'raid' might be a better 21st century word. Or, it's a military foray, perchance?

It could be an assault, attack, encroachment, or a penetration. Or maybe a blitzkrieg. Or maybe the term 'trespass' might be applicable.

But certainly not 'invade'. That something that no nation would ever do in the 21st century.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

“…and at halftime, it’s Team Obama by ten…”

“Welcome to half-time at what is an exciting game here in New Jersey between Team Obama and Team McCain…I am Kent Gostak, here with my fellow politico-sports color commentator, Tim Distims.”

“Yes, Kent ---it should be a real nail-biter out there, but Team McCain looks very old and tired. They don't seem to be on the field of play much out there at all----setting up shop in just one small office in Central Jersey in Woodbridge.”

“Yup, Tim --- Team McCain is just not giving themselves the opportunity to cover much----the greater part of the playing field of the north NJ and south NJ is left wide open. And rumor has it, they seem to be “sharing” that “office” with Team McCain New York….kind of like the Giants sharing the Meadowlands with the Jets!”

“That’s a good one Kent. Don’t put the Jets and Giants in the same place at the same time! [Tim laughs out loud]. But, that’s one office for about every 30 million people---not a good ratio of coverage for Team McCain USA----”.

“Thanks, Tim. I can always count on you to laugh at my bad jokes. Now, with Team Obama New Jersey, a completely different story. They have strong coverage on all fronts---north, south and central.”

“They have offices in West Jersey—boom! In Camden---boom, again! And in Edison! Boom times three! Now, that is coverage!”

“You got that right! A ratio of one office for every 3 million people, and for Team McCain----a lousy ratio one office for every 18 million people! That’s gotta hurt their Team, Tim.”

“Enough on geography---Now, let’s go to the issues. Team Obama is in the lead there, too. Healthcare. The Economy. Especially the war in Iraq. Team Obama is all over Team McCain---pouncing everywhere.”

“You got that right. New Jersey has spent more than $25 billion itself on this war ----and people are tired of this----that could pay for 2,751,979 people with health care for one full year. Or 398,195 teachers for the same one year. Or get this ---119,131 Affordable Housing Units. That's a lot of scratch!”

“That could save dollars in property taxes. Team Obama has the strategy in the game there. Team McCain's plan---they want to stay in Iraq for 100 years.”

“That’s gotta cost big time”.

Yup, again, Kent. And now to the 'people numbers'---Team Obama leads in most areas: Team Obama gets the support of 94% of black voters, and has a 15 point lead among women, is ahead among men, narrowly, 48%-45%, and leads among Independents, 45%-42%. But Team McCain leads among white voters (50%-42%).”

"But that's not as bad as the last place Team Bush NJ, who is lounging in the basement at a 26% approval rating."

“So, overall---in New Jersey, Team Obama still leads by 10 points over Team McCain. Now, back to the game…”

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

For Sharpe James, it’s ‘me, me, me, me’…”

There is an old lawyers' saying that a man who represents himself will have ….a fool for a client. And that is what Sharpe James has decided to do in his appeal: Represent himself.

In the end, this may not actually 'appeal' to him.

Our good friend, writer Jeff Whalen over at the Star-Ledger, has noted that, James filed ‘pro se’ [for himself in Latin]….. "signaling that he is not represented by attorneys in the matter.” In the past at different times, James was represented by Raymond Brown, and then Thomas Ashley and Alan Zegas.

This is the same guy who ruled Newark for twenty years, was named Mayor of the Year in 2002 by the US Conference of Mayors, and rode a bicycle through City Hall to file his re-election petitions in 2006.

There is a reason why a barber does not cut his own hair, a dentist does not work on his own teeth, and a person should not represent themselves in court.

It’s like trying to kiss your own elbow.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Best of the Late Night Talk shows

Here is some of the best political humor the late night shows have to offer for this week:

"Paris Hilton's mother is very upset because John McCain has put Paris in his campaign video. You know about this? He put Paris in his campaign video, and she's furious. Isn't that amazing? Of all the videos Paris Hilton has been in, this is the one mom's upset about?" --Jay Leno

"According to the Huffington Post, it's being reported that Barack Obama may name Indiana Senator Evan Bayh as his vice-presidential running mate tomorrow. Tomorrow, that's what. Here's what we know about Evan Bayh. He was going to run for president, then he dropped out after getting less than 2% of the vote. Less that 2%! He was actually losing to low-fat milk." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind." --Jay Leno

Monday, August 4, 2008

"We are proud of that commercial."

...John McCain, on a commercial that compares Barack Obama's popularity with that of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. Popular---you need to be pop-u-lar.

...and the commercial uses their likenesses without their permission ---something we here at NJPolitics Unusual would not do. Therefore, we paid a highly respected artist <------------ draw their likeness.

The commercial mainly takes Obama to task on the issue of his ‘celebrity'. Or as Bush might say, “Celibacy”. Or maybe “Celebritity’.

For some reason, the McCain campaign believes that the ability to draw tens of thousands of people to rallies in Europe, and seventy thousands of people to rallies in the states is somehow a ‘negative’.

Indeed, we certainly don’t want a president who is ‘popular’.

Perhaps McCain is so inspired by Bush’s poll numbers sliding down faster than the Jamaican bobsled team, that he feels the best way to become president is to be 'unpopular'.

The commercial shows a montage of celebreties who are popular, but apparently lack any substance ----Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are the prominent blonde duo in the spot. So, somehow we are supposed to draw the conclusion like Spears and Hilton, Senator Barack Obama is also shallow, stupid, and vapid.

Furthermore, perhaps McCain wants us believe that should Obama successfully move from Illinois Senator to the full-fledged POTUS, that he will immediately be--

Photographed by paparazzi without undershorts when he gets in to the Presidential limo.
He will be arrested for drunk driving and star in his own reality show.
And appear in an online sex tape---probably all in the same week he goes to his first G-8 conference. All of which might make even more popular, actually.

When you think about it, much of what Hilton and Spears have done, has been done before by other presidents. Bill Clinton exposed his underwear choice on MTV; Bush has been arrested for drunk driving; and even Ford appeared in a sort of reality show ---Saturday Night Live.

Of course, no president has appeared in an online sex tape—at least not yet.

Side note: Paris Hilton's parents [full fledged McCain supporters who maxed out], say that the commercial demeans their daughter.

Only in America could an appearance in a presidential campaign commercial demean someone who has been in jail, appeared on a reality TV show, and appeared in an online sex tape.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Fellow Democrat: You can help Hillary, or you can turn the page.

Or surf to another website. Or post SuperPoke someone on Facebook. Or play Scrabulous with someone from across the world.

I received the email below from President Bill Clinton offering to let me have a shot at eating with himself and Hillary, if I give just $5 to help ‘retire that pesky campaign debt’.

I am sure that back in February the Clintons never figured they’d be sending out such a message about now.

Not a chance.

It must be quite a let down asking for 'Lincolns' instead of inviting supporters to the Linclon bedroom.

So, I gonna send in my five bucks. But, if I should win, I am not sure I want to have dinner and listen to Bill whine about the ‘pesky campaign debt’ and the fact that he’s gonna have to stay in New York instead of move back to the White House.

Maybe he will run for governor of New York now.