Monday, September 1, 2008

Totally Useless Metrics

So, the debate goes on between VP candidates Senator Joe Biden and Governor Sarah Palin. There are some differences, and some similarities. One’s pro-choice; the other pro-life. One is male the other female. One supports the war; the other opposes it. Yada, yada, yada.


And while the national news outlets, newspapers, broadcast news TV stations, CNN, MSNBC, C-Span, Fox News, and the political blogosphere feel compelled to measure the candidates' mettle with the same old tired criteria and standard political season metrics, I do not.

I like to roll the candidates through a series of non-functional, fairly trivial and meaningless exercises and time wasters that provide no value whatsoever. So, let’s begin.

First of all, the names of both their home states appear together in an old joke I remember. This joke was one I told in front of Mrs. Gottesman’s First Grade class in P.S. 277, when we were learning the names of the states:

Timmy: “So, what will Delaware?” Tammy: “I don’t know. Alaska!”

Get it? The first person says, “What will Della wear?” Then, the second person says, “I don’t know. I’ll ask her.” But when you use the names of the states, the sentences sound the same! Boy, did that material ‘kill’ in front of six year olds in 1960!

Next little trick, for no apparent reason---the hidden meanings in name anagrams:

If you re-arrange the letters of 'Senator Joe Biden'', you get---'Job-oriented, sane.' That’s not too shabby. Good description for someone who might be the next in line to be the Leader of the Free World.

However, if you re-arrange the letters of 'Governor Sarah Palin' you get 'Horror's vagina plane' Ouch! That’s gotta sting for a fundamentalist Christian woman with a pregnant 17 year old daughter.

When Sarah Palin came in second in the Miss Alaska beauty pagent, her special talent was ‘whistling’. When Biden ran for president in 1988, and then again this year, his special talent was 'verbosity.

So, please feel free to compare the two candidates, along whatever trivial criteria makes sense to you.


Anonymous said...

"horrors vagina plane"?? THAT is a good ANAGRAM? What does plane have to do with anything?

For crying out loud if you are going to make an anagram all the words have to work. You can't have one word that doesn't fit.

And "horrors vagina"? Sheesh... it isn't even funny.

You should have tried "Vice President Sarah Palin"... you could have made the equally un-amusing anagram "Hairpins Derives Placenta" or even "Pensive Anarchist Lipread"

By the way... Obama made the following statement about Palin's daughter:

Anonymous said...

Nope, it was a not a "good anagram" at all. And it was not at all complementary to Sarah Palin.

I do think, however, that Biden's anagram was better and more suited.

The poor Republican vetting process, the recent revelations about Gov. Palin's daughter have derailed the entire Republican Convention's message and momentum as of now. We shall see how they do now through Thursday.

Her family and her background---husband being a drunk driver, 17 years old pregnant daughter, the ethics investigation----must make some Republicans yearn for Leiberman or Ridge!

Anonymous said...

Get sexist much? I'm no republican but would you have used the work cock had the Biden letters fit? Why does any discussion of a female candidate have to include anatomy? It was the same with Hillary.

Anonymous said...

Oddly enough if you use Biden's full name "Joseph Robinette Biden" you get a lot of "Penis" phrases such as

"Ten Penis Jibbed Hooter"

See the "internet anagram" server for the "complete" series:

Anonymous said...

"Ten Penis Jibbed Hooter"! That's funnier. Wished I had seen his middle name before I posted.

And 'vagina' is the actual name of the body part, as is 'penis'. With the anagram program you use, how does Sarah Palin work out with using her middle name?

And are you supporting Obama? If you're in the Flemington area, and are supporting Obama, we are having an Flemington for Obama meeting Wednesday night at the Friendly Grounds Coffee House.

If, not, then you can go to the Obama website, and find a local meeting for yourself.

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