Garden State Cool

Tough driving down to the Jersey Shore because gas is too expensive? Here are the top seven ways to keep cool in New Jersey, without spending too much money:

7- Go to the frozen food aisle at a local Shop Rite or Stop and shop---bring your beach chair, your fav magazine, and set up shop. It should cool you off long enough, until you hear “Security: Idiot on aisle seven!”.

6- Water is getting very expensive, so you don’t want to waste your own. So, find someone watering their own lawn, and insult them over and over again until they assert their revenge by squirting you with the garden house.

5- Use duct tape and rubber bands and attach frozen bags of vegetables to your far head, the back of your neck and arms. That should cool you down.

4- Stick your pillow case and bed sheets in the freezer for about 20 minutes, and then go to bed. Cool for the night.

3- Go to the local mall, again bring your beach chair, favorite novel, and read until you're asked to leave. If you’re asked to leave, Go to www.funnj.com for a list of all the malls in NJ from Cape May to Bergen County, to plan your weekend.

2-- The best commercial food freezer ---the Tiger Woods of true cool: the True T-49f commercial freezer. With a full 49 cubic feet of space and a 1⁄2 horse power motor capable of generating chills in the -10◦F range. Where are these babies in NJ? Usually at fast food places—Taco Bell, KFC, etc. Go to have a fast food lunch, and while no one is looking, sneak by for a quick blast of -10 degrees of cool.

1- Remember that hot air rises, and get out of the sun.
The perfect cool place below ground to cool off: Lincoln Tunnel and Holland Tunnel. They have giant underground fans aplenty to cool off. Again, bring your 8 bucks for admission, your beach chair and your copy of what’s ever on the best seller list in the NY Times summer reading. Just lie back in your chair on one of those side walking areas and cool off. The NY/NJ Port Authority says it’s about ten degrees cooler down there than the outside.