Special to NJ: Politics Unusual:
(AP) Fifty years ago in July, United States President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed the National Aeronautics and Space Act into existence, creating NASA.
However, if Senator John McCain becomes the next Republican President, he is likely to sign NASA out of existence.
“They found water on Mars? Big f$#@king deal. What we needed for them to find is oil,” said the Arizona Senator.
“Why the hell do you think we’ve been spending all that money on the Phoenix Mars Lander? To get some ‘Martian ice’? No way, Jose. We needed to start 'way, way' off'-shore oil drilling there immediately. Now, whatya got? Zip. Nada. Nothin’.”
The Senator did make note that he was embarrassed that the Mars Lander was named for a ‘city in [his] home state’. “You cannot imagine my disappointment. I just don’t know what to say," he shared, holding back tears.
William Boynton, the lead NASA scientist for the Thermal and Evolved-Gas Analyzer instrument on Phoenix, was stunned, too. All he could muster were mumbles of “we have water...we have water”, over and over again. Boynton also said that water was positively identified after the lander's robotic arm delivered a soil sample on Wednesday to an instrument that identifies vapors produced by heating.
“That damn Mars machine can use its robotic arm to pleasure itself up there in space, for all I care,” McCain said. “If I'm in the White House, I will have one rule for NASA: No Texas Tee, no government moolah. No black gold, no American gold. Capice?”
NASA had no further comment.