Delay Decision on Major Cuts, Petraeus Says.
As if anything else was expected. This was not a ‘surge’, it was a fancy term for ‘escalation’.
It is said that political comedy has a very short shelf life. Now that the war is entering its fifth year, the same political comedy from four years ago is not only still funny, but prophetic.
You decide. Petraeus might not be as funny as these folks, though.
"Today, the United Nations approved a resolution to lift the sanctions against Iraq. ... Yeah, the move will allow Iraqis to buy things they don't have, such as medicine and weapons of mass destruction." —Conan O'Brien
"The Bush Administration said there will be a delay in restoring a newly elected democratic government in Iraq. However, they said the delay will not be as long as the one we have had in this country." —Jay Leno
"Hey, today we got the four of clubs. A guy named Samir al-Aziz, a Ba'ath party bad guy. And we now have the four of clubs, the five of clubs, the five of spades and the seven of diamonds. I don't know what game they're playing at the White House, but today, when it was confirmed that we had the four of clubs, Condoleezza Rice had to take off her blouse." —Bill Maher
"The Pentagon said this week that the war in Iraq has cost $20 billion so far. The breakdown is operations: $10 billion; personnel: $6 billion; getting Bush re-elected: priceless." —Bill Maher
"Today, President Bush announced he's been mispronouncing the name of Iraq all along. He said it's actually pronounced Syria." —Jay Leno
"Now there are reports from Baghdad that officials are taking bribes for favors, giving jobs to their relatives, taking money under the table from contractors. You know what this means? The war is less than a week old, and already they have an American-style democracy." —Jay Leno
"For the first time the people of Iraq are united. Today on CNN I saw a Kurd, a Shiite and a member of the Republican Guard coming together to cart off a big screen TV." —Jay Leno
"We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours." —David Letterman
"The press keeps asking President Bush when will this war end? I think the war will end officially the day after the 2004 elections. If President Bush learned anything from his father it was don't end a war too soon." —Jay Leno
"All over Baghdad, Iraqi looters have been breaking into banks and walking out with millions of dollars in Iraqi money. As a result, they now qualify for President Bush's tax cut." —Conan O'Brien
"The U.S. military has begun handing out decks of cards with pictures of the most wanted men in Saddam Hussein's regime. There are 55 cards and they're handing them out so people can identify them. Apparently, three Tariq Aziz cards will get you a Pokemon." —Conan O'Brien
"There are reports that Saddam has been spotted in central Baghdad. Parts of him were also spotted in northern Baghdad, eastern Baghdad and western Baghdad." —Jay Leno
"The military said we'll be able to confirm Saddam is dead with DNA testing. Apparently we have a sample of his DNA. So Monica Lewinsky is working for the CIA?" —Jay Leno
"We have an important decision to make now about who controls Iraq. You know, that's a critical question, because it's who we're going to be fighting in five to ten years." —Jay Leno
"And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate the United States." —David Letterman