Friday, January 18, 2008

Smackdown: The Candidates vs The Comedians

With the writers strike still in full swing, the late night talk shows are working writer-less. Or are they? Just whose lines are they anyway?

The comedy monologues seem to not have slowed down in any way in their attacks on the presidential nominees. And, by the way, the candidates themselves are pretty funny. But ---just who is funniest---the Candidates or the Comedians?

We provide, you decide:

"Congratulations to Mitt Romney, he was the big winner in the Michigan primary. His dad used to be governor there, which I think is an inspiration. It proves in America that you don't have to be the wife of a former president to win, sometimes you can just be the son of a governor." --Jay Leno

"I looks like the Democratic field really starting to get narrowed down. For Democrats, it's going to be Barack Obama versus Hillary. So, it's a black man or a white woman. You know, this is the same decision Michael Jackson has to make every morning of his life." --Jay Leno

"Dennis Kucinich got a judge to order MSNBC, the cable channel, to let him be a part of the debate, which is the political equivalent of your mom forcing the other kids to play with you” --Jimmy Kimmel

"I don't get this. Hillary Clinton's been bragging all year long that she's been doing this for 35 years, but she just found her voice on Tuesday? There's a medical term for this -- 'slow learner.'" --Bill Maher

"This is a ridiculous election. If I hear this word 'change' one more time, I'm going to change the channel. ... Even Mitt Romney, who is running for president as Ward Cleaver, is for change. Every time he gets up there, he says, 'I love change. Change is good. Who doesn't like change? Whatever I just said, I'd like to change that.'" --Bill Maher

"Fred Thompson said he is out trying to revitalize his campaign. What does he mean 're'? When was it vitalized?" --Jay Leno

And the Candidates:

Mike Huckabee:

"I'm from Hope, Arkansas, you may have heard of it. All I'm asking is, give us one more chance."

"We've had a Congress that's spent money like John Edwards at a beauty shop."

"Whether we need to send somebody to Mars, I don't know. But I'll tell you what, if we do, I've got a few suggestions, and maybe Hillary could be on the first rocket."

Mitt Romney

"If I adopt the same policy, we're going to need a heck of a lot more chairs in the Cabinet room." --Romney, who is a Mormon, referring to Rudy Giuliani's comment that he might let his wife attend Cabinet meetings

"I think the reason that some 28, 29 percent are not comfortable voting for a Mormon is they think they're voting for Harry Reid." -- on Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who is also a Mormon

"You look at that Democratic debate, I had to laugh at what I saw Barack Obama do. I mean in one week he went from saying he's going to sit down, you know, for tea, with our enemies, but then he's going to bomb our allies. I mean he's gone from Jane Fonda to Dr. Strangelove in one week."

Rudy Giuliani

"I'm a little late. I bumped by head and broke my hair." –at the 2007 Gridiron dinner

"Look, for someone who went to parochial schools all his life, this is a very frightening thing that’s happening right now." --after a lightning strike cut out his mic as he was answering a difficult question about abortion during a Republican debate.

Hillary Clinton:

"Well, that hurts my feelings." --on why voters like Barack Obama better.

"You can always tell when the Republicans are getting restless, because the Vice President's motorcade pulls into the Capitol, and Darth Vader emerges."

Barack Obama:

"I don't want to be invited to the family hunting party." --on revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins.

"Hillary is not the first politician in Washington to declare 'Mission Accomplished' a little too soon."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

^^ nice blog!! ^@^

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